I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
