i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
