im drinking this country out of the recession.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
