you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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