Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
