so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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