If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
