He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
