So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
