I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
