We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
