I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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