Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
