some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
