Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
