Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize