I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Randomize
