I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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