So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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