so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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