Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
