The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
