It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
