Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
