You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
