So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
