Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
