If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
