in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
