he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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