It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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