Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize