i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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