I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
