Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
