What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
