i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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