I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
