wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
