I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
PANTIES FOUND
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
