I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
