Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
