He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
