dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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