I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
