Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
