he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
