Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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