I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
