I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My nipple is on Facebook.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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