Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
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