NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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