Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
