Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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