Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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