I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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