Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
