I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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