Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
