blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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