This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
