I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my vag is so smooth its legendary
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
