Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
