I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
