god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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