end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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