I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize